I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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