Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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