Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
