you told grandpa to call you daddy
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
