woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
