i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
