i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
