He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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