Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You pole danced in your parka.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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