She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
