I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
