T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
