Got a toothbrush?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
