Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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