You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
