we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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