Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
