She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
