Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
