YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
