i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
