dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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