Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
4 words: hood of his car
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
