the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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