and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
