So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Shame - the story of my life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
