You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
