when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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