Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
