how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
