It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
