five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
