Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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