i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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