I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
