Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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