I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
