It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
