So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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