Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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