i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
