I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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