do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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