this just has baby written all over it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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