i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I die, sorry about rent.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
