can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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