i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
