u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
