woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry about my life...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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