Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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