Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
