i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
