I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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