i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
