you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
