I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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