just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
