I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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