five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
