Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
