Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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