you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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