operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
