the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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