Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
