I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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