the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize