We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
