im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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