Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
