make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
