TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Do vagina's smell?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
