there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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